Write To Me, I Want
To Hear From You
Letters From Visitors
I thought you might enjoy and benefit from reading
some of the many letters I've received.
Every letter you find here is essentially "as
The only changes I made are small grammatical changes,
changes related to protecting confidentiality,
and the occasional bold typeface.
The people who wrote these letters have given permission for me to
put them here.
Names and other identifying information have been changed.
NEWER LETTERS WILL BE PUT HERE, IN THE BEGINNING.
(Check Back Once In A While To See If You've Read The Latest...)
A Student's Experience
I just wanted to let you know how much I appreciate
what your site has done for me I the last couple of months.
I was going through a very difficult time and was searching for answers
anywhere I could find them and stumbled upon your site.
I printed all the self help topics that pertained to my problem and
also some others that I thought could help me in general. I also went
to a therapist and between your positive outlook and approach to things
and my therapy sessions I began to feel a lot better.
I still pull out some of the topics and read over them occasionally
when I begin to feel myself slip or sometimes I read them just because
they make me feel better.
Thanks for providing such a great service to me on the Internet and
thanks a million for getting me pointed back in the right direction
with my life.
Hey there Tony and G'day,
I am Glenda from Australia, and I felt moved to write because
your site is GREAT. Thank you so, just what I needed to find!
I am printing a copy of the "Self Love" page to stick up on my
wall to remind me to do the work. Also, I dug the "Subconscious
Life Script" page MUCH.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks so.
Bye for now, Glenda from Australia
Later, Glenda also wrote:
I LOVED the Guidelines page. Your suggested guidelines for emotional
health are now MY guidelines for living life.
Thank you so!
Simple and straightforward, yet so ... empowering! Great tools
for working it all out.
Reviewed Many Psychology Sites
I used a popular search program, "Copernic 2000", which
goes through every conceivable search engine in the pursuit of what
you want. In this case, I typed in the words "Free Therapy". Of the
hundred sites that came up, yours was the only one that actually contained
useful, free information.
As a recovering survivor of what could be called an absolutely crappy
childhood (no details, I'm not paying ya :>), your advice is helping
me out quite a bit. Reading even some of the sentences is hard sometimes
because I'm not used to being able to think that clearly about myself.
Together, with breath exercise, meditation, and weight lifting (east
meets west, eh?), your free advice has started helping me to help myself.
Please continue with your articles - the Internet (and my sore psyche)
needs your help!
Salud, sir. Gene
Much Therapy Experience
Hi, I am a nearly 30 year old woman who has had her fair share
of therapy (depression/anorexia nervosa in my late teens/early 20's.)
I have always been aware of my irrational thought processes and slowly,
over the past few years, have come to love and respect who I am, and make
all the changes necessary for me to reach this desired level of happiness.
I love to learn about myself and usually walk away from all my experiences
having learned even more.
There are many self-help sites out there, but I find yours to be one of
the best and most helpful. It reflects what I have been feeling throughout
my journey. I hope everyone who happens upon it gains something. : ) Please
continue to add new information to your site.
A Human Behavior Researcher
I wanted to say your pages are incredible. I did a semester
on "Love and Life- the labyrinth of relationships "- when I was in undergrad.
(My degree is in Human Behavior). A lot of my research is wrapped up
in your essays. I'm impressed.
Thank you. - Margaret
Tony, I have read almost every page on your site www.helpyourselftherapy.com
and I value this web site tremendously! This is the most accurate, directly
helpful therapy site I have seen, and it's all in plain English!
Every now and then I have a question about psychology and wonder about
myself, and it would be nice if I could fire them off to somebody like
you who I respect and who could answer them in amyl. What would you
charge for this? I don't want to enter into regular therapy, but just
get a few questions answered. I'll take up regular therapy here in person.
[I told Jerry that this is one of the main reasons I offer E-mail
Advice. Some people write occasionally. Some people write often. It's
up to each person. The cost is "a buck a minute" for my typing,
and the average letter costs about $15.00...]
I just want to say thank you for putting this advice on the
web for free. I'm in anguish, and needed some good advice. (I have a professional
to talk to as well.) Today, I'm in real pain and your words have helped.
She Sends Her Friends and Reads Topics Out Loud
DEAR Tony--this is how I feel about you--I've thoroughly enjoyed
surfing your site for a good hour just now. Thank you. It's well done;
especially the choice of colors for your web page--just constantly basking
in these warm hues--uplifted me throughout my pilgrimage. Pouring over
your Topics was comforting and soothing at the same time, somehow; I shall
return & visit often, no doubt about that.
Life is at times seemingly overwhelming. But now I know of an oasis to
which I can seek a virtual haven whenever I need one. P.S.: And I've looked
at all your pics and they're GREAT!
In her second letter she wrote:
Tony my friend--if you would grant me the accolade sight unseen--of
course go ahead and use my letter, keeping me blessedly anonymous. Since
yesterday, I've already mentioned your site to a half-dozen people here
and there, and friends I dined with earlier this evening.
"How to get the most from this site" is one of the few articles I glanced
thru; of course, next time I go back to it, I'll most probably read
out loud. I read this way when I want ideas to resonate or ripple thru
my mindscape. Reading out loud, as opposed to silently to myself, enriches
the process of visualization by allowing more than just a few feelings
to emerge and be identified. (It's also great for catching typos!)
My name is ______, I am 42 years old and I work as a Medical Researcher
I want to congratulate and tell you that I enjoyed very much the web
page -also the pictures. I am going to therapy with a psychologist for
about 6 months and most of the councelling I get from my therapist is
very much close to what I see in your web page. I find the information
an excellent source to answer lots of important questions I still have
-and that I try to answer progressively. Thanks a lot!
Best wishes, _______
Abused As A Child, Now Helps Others
I would like to tell you that I have just spent well
over an hour at your site! I should be working but your site is so wonderful,
I cannot stop reading!
I enjoy learning about myself and have read many self-help books over
the years, but none compare to the advice and wisdom of yourself. You
are down to earth and no nonsense, but not boringly serious either.
Good sound advice and lessons here! I am delighted I *stumbled* upon
I have a lot of issues I deal with (I am in therapy - have been most
of my adult life) from a number of childhood abuses.
I am also involved in my first (hopefully, only!) long distance relationship
and found, through your site, that I am dealing with both in a healthy
way. Sometimes ya gotta see it in print, if you understand what I mean.
My therapist keeps telling me I'm healthy and intellectually I know
I am, but emotionally I worry!
I intend to read your words of wisdom and truth on a regular basis!
Both of my adult children will be receiving an email from me with the
url to your site! :)
I am a spiritual counselor, manager of a team, and we talk with and
help many troubled people daily - your site will be going to my team
and any client with an email address!
I love your photo gallery! What a wonderful touch! It makes the whole
site so much more personal. And your photo - thank the Gods you look
the way you do and not like some stodgy Harvard guy spouting off about
the most recent studies! ahaha! You look like a regular guy - what a
breath of fresh air!! I'm a sucker for beards! ahaha!
Two Long Letters in Broken English
I'm so glad you write me back; I have been reading your web-site, it
have been really helpful
One topic that I'll like to comment on and share a little experience
of my own life with you is: Growing Up Emotionally I complete understand
what you mean because of my own experience with my father but the thing
is that my father was not unreasonable at all, actually he is one of
the most reasonable person I know. When I was 18 years old, he gave
me the keys to our house and told me that I was completely responsible
for my act and me and only me will pay the consequences of my decisions
either good or bad. He said he love me and he will always, and if I
need advise I can always come ask him but I will have to made my own
decision. Up to this day I thaugh that that was the day I grew up; but
after reading Growing Up Emotionally, I have starting to think that
it was not it, but the day I have so much of my mother inteference on
my own bussiness (life) that I got marry at age 19 and left to another
country that might be the day that I really grew.
I live with my second husband now and the last 2 years have been full
of mayor changes on both of us; but with the help of good friends and
oustanding web-site like yours I'm pretty sure we'll grow over the actual
circunstances and come out stronger and healtier. Thank You very much.
Your web-site is greatly appreciated.
I wrote back and, among other comments, asked her if I could use her
letter here. She wrote again to say:
Sure You can use my letter Tony, If it can help someone, that will be
a wonderfull thing.
I'll continue to read and learn from your web-site; and if you like
I'll share with you how it's helping me and of course you can use my
letters, if you thing it will help others.
I print some of your work and try to share with my husband; but he completely
refuse to read any, or seek counseling of any kind. I know that I have
many defects and most of the time, I let my feelings lead my way; I
cry to easy; and my husband can make me cry with just a few words; but
after reading HANDLING CRITICISM; I discover that it's mainly because
he knows my weak points very well and his constant critics have been
biting off my self-esteem; for example: I lost my job of 22 years, and
move to USA to join my husband, I use to have oustanding performace
award every year; but after been just 3 weeks with him, I start feeling
that I couldn't do anything right. I found a temporary job for one year
and did real good at it, them I decide I'll like to go back to college.
My husband first said ok, them said no way, I said I'll work part time
but he still didn't want me to go; then he said I didn't know enough
english and I will not understand, well 2 days ago, I did the test to
enter college, I made points way above average and way more than I needed
to enter, well when he came home and I show him my score we got real
angry and start saying that I never understand what he said and don't
ever follow his directions, and start calling me names; I went to bed
crying and feeling that I was indeed stupid; that was before I read
your web-site; next day I surf the net looking for a support group in
my area and I found your site; today I had another disagrement wih my
husband but instead of going to sleep crying, I came to see my mail
and start writing this letter, I already feel better;
He's taking about divorce and that I'll get no money, but guess what,
at this point I'm not cryng or feeling bad about it; I do worry about
it mainly because we have a 7 years old boy and I already have a teenage
from my previous marriage, that I left wih my parents last years when
I came to join him, and it was because my 15 years old that I first
went to see a psychiatric, but if something I have learn since that,
is that the kid was not needing it as much as I was. I remember the
psychiatric told us (me and my father) that we need to put our own oxigen
mask first before we even try to put it to the child. At this point
I thing that my father and myself that are the ones seeking mental health
are the ones in better shape and my mom and my husband that are the
ones that refuse to get any kind of help are the ones that need it the
most, but if I understand it right, I can only persude it for myself,
if the other want to come alone good for all, if not those that want
to change have to go ahead and enjoy!
THANK YOU and soory for writting so long letter.
I wanted to tell you that your web-site; i.e. your writings
are just excellent. I know you must help an awful lot of people by virtue
of your experienced writing.
John Bradshaw was for me, the beginning of a long way home, and when I
come upon someone like yourself, who is very dedicated to helping others
see their own truths, it makes me feel like there is real hope for this
Thank you for your effort!
[Note: John Bradshaw is a noted therapist, author, and lecturer. He's
perhaps best known for his work regarding alcoholism but he is widely
known in various areas of therapy.]
As A Brief Marriage Ends
Thank you for writing to me at my Self-Therapy site! I
have had a significant change in my life that I find I for once am dealing
with it rationally. I am divorcing my wife of 3 years. I had to really
come to grips with what was right for me.
Even though I wanted to believe that this situation would pass and all
would be back to normal. I have practiced what you have shared on some
of the self help topics that you have on your web site. I have learned
to acknowledge the pain from betrayal, and my significant decision to
end my barrage.
Being realistic for once about a situation in my life and taking action
is very rewarding for me. I realize that I have every right to take
care of myself and that I have very real values and that I do have valid
standards and will not be treated like this. It has only taken me 50
years to get to this point and I am excited about it. The change has
been a long process for me. I have been going to counseling for about
9 years and I have experienced many different life changing habits.
It is good to know that you can break a bad cycle in your life and realize
a healthy, wholesome life.
I appreciate your web site because it gives me an opportunity to learn
more about changes that I still have to make and I am like a sponge.
My goal is to change all of the unhealthy habits in my life that has
prevented me from enjoying who I really am. What an adventure. This
time in my life has had its sad moments, its pain, uncertainly, anger,
confusion., But thanks to therapists such as you who have offered tools
for life, that make a lasting difference in your life. I choose to change
and live. I do not have time to live in the garbage that I did for years.
Thanks for your time.
A Therapist Who Sends His Clients
This site is a God Send. I use it in my practice.
I bookmark pages to my clients which allows them to see that
1) They did not invent their issues, translation, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
2) The site gives them a cognitive life raft while they are doing the
hard work of discovery!
Thank You so much,
Operates A European Internet Directory
Congratulations, Tony, this is the _very_ best site I've seen since
the dawn of the internet, when I started my directory site. Very informative,
direct, honest and _very_ human. Best wishes for your continued good
I wrote "Ld" back, to thank him for his kind
words and to ask if I could some day use his letter here. He then responded
Of course you may use my comments, I stand by them!
I was so pleasantly surprised to find a site of quality and in the true
(original) spirit of the internet (cooperation). Your site is a shining
gem in an environment, hijacked by commercialism, where the only motivation
seems to be money and how much one can extract from punters. Found your
site through a link on metanoia.org, whilst researching on-line counselling
for a psychotherapist friend. She too was most impressed by your accessible
style. Should I ever be reticent of, or fail to enjoy my changes, I'll
know where to come for some straight advice. With the very best wishes
to you and your forthcoming book Ld
P.S. Your site will be added to my directory site at __________________.
I don't know if you remember me but I used up a couple of 'free email
counseling' sessions with you a couple of years ago (time goes by way
too fast). I re-read them once in a while and they really hit home.
I am just writing because I always meant to, you sounded very sincere.
In those 2 letters you made me feel a lot better about myself and I
wanted to thank you.
One day I will able to afford it a little more and would like start
the dialogue up again - but until then, I wanted to let you know I really
appreciated your words.
Note: I seldom do completely free e-mails anymore, although the
first letter is still "almost free." I frequently change my
policy on this, based on how busy I am...
You really helped me this week!
Can't remember where I read this - somewhere on "your site" but you said
something about suicide. You said that wanting to kill yourself is like
walking around with someone that wants to kill you 24 hrs aday!! That's
me! And I wondered why I'm always so tense!! Thats it! It was a "lightbulb"
moment for me! For real!
My dad committed suicide a few years ago and my grandmother did also.
It's been with me as long as I can remember. But that one statement really
made me realize what I've been doing. I've been with this "killer" for
so long! No More!!
I sat down and promised myself that I Won't do it! I can "change the channel"
as my husband says when I want to! I CAN choose too!!
Thank you so very very much - again- you have helped me tremendously !
A One Liner...
Keep it up, yours is a light in a world of darkness.
I just wanted to tell you how much I agree with your ideas on talking
As an adult survivor of child sexual abuse I really had a lot of negative
thoughts implanted in me by my abusers. Now days when I hear myself
talking negative in my head, I stop myself. Then, just as you
suggested, I find the source of it and turn the negative into a positive
and tell it to myself over and over. I feel so much better because
of this that it's amazing.
Of course lots of therapy has helped with my journey!!! I had
a lot of other issues besides negative self-talk to work on in my life.
But for me, learning to change my inner opinions of myself really
helped to put all the pieces of my life in perspective and heal from
Keep up the good work!!! I truly enjoy your site!!!!
Another Therapist Who Might Do Online Work
I loved your site! I've been reading a lot about you in NASW
News and other publications, and thought it was time to check all of
this out. I am impressed. Your philosophies are so near
and dear to my own.
I have not stooped to marketing myself or my practice, nor do I cow-tow
to managed care - confidentiality is too precious. Even your comments
about repaying your co-worker... I, for free, mentor others in
beginning their own private practices...
Been toying with the idea of doing net therapy. Checked out a
few. Yours is, by far, the most professional, warm, safe, and
authentic sight so far. Keep up the faith in healing and correspond
if you like.
After The Free Letters...
Part of her letter to me:
"I do hope to be back in touch. I find writing about things
to be a very focusing experience for me. E-mail advice has a lot
of benefits -- I can work on correspondence on my own time, it's easier
to be completely honest when you don't have to deal with the potential
embarrassment of a face to face discussion, and I can go back to reread
what was said instead of relying on being able to recall things later.
Of course, you miss the nonverbal cues, so it would be harder
for you. If you manage to reach people who wouldn't be willing
to do "live" counseling, then you're doing a good thing. Keep
up the good work. I'm sure you've been a blessing to a lot of
Part of my response:
You have a very clear understanding also about the advantages and
disadvantages of e-mail advice... One added advantage: If you
save the correspondence, you end up with a "self-help book written
just for you" - and it's written partially BY you...! (I've
been doing this long enough now to have heard from some people who go
back to read previous correspondence and find it very helpful when things
Comment: I seldom offer absolutely free e-mail any more. My policy
changes depending on how busy I am.
My name is _______. I own a counseling service which focuses
on family values. I am just a listening ear for women and particularly
for mothers. I try to find answers to any questions they may have
and help them to live up to the calling that was given to them by God.
I believe motherhood is not only a calling but a wonderful blessing
that should be cherished. So that is why I do what I do. So
when I came across your web site I knew it was an answer to a prayer.
Thank you for your wonderful ministry. It is more valuable
than you could ever imagine.
I will look forward to visiting frequently.
Advantages of E-mail Advice
Two paragraphs from a counseling letter:
Thank you for responding to my letter and asking the questions you did.
Yes, I am in therapy and I think my counselor has asked me some
of the same questions you have but for some reason seeing them in black
and white has forced me to think more and then to respond back in black
and white... it is so impacting.
I couldn't see the benefits of e-mail therapy till now. I also
wasn't going to respond with so much self-disclosure as I ended up writing
about. Which is another plus to e-mail therapy. I feel the
reason I did go into detail is because with face to face therapy the
therapist will respond verbally and that will stop the flow of the self-disclosure.
Lots of people feel more "impact" this way, through e-mail
advice... usually because when they are with their therapist they are
too worried about how they look to the therapist, whether they are being
"judged," the expression on the therapist's face, etc....
BUT, and this is SO important, I can't SEE you - so I miss
out on body language, sniffles, maybe even long, hard crying, etc....
If all other things are equal (including the therapist's competence,
of course) you are far better off with a therapist you can SEE...!
Having A Bad Time...
Thank you for this web site You have helped me cope
tonight. I needed someone to talk to, and you were there. I'm starting
your program tonight. I'll let you know how it goes. Thank
you for wiping my tears.
Gulf War Survivor
Your web page is the best I have found! I'm a gulf war vet with
PTSD and I'm co-dependent. I am seeing a psychologist for these
problems. Your web page has some outstanding information! Thank
Took One Of The Tests...
It was Great! It is nice to get feedback analysis from
a test that is in response to your personal answers. The advantage
of being online is that you are getting the feedback right away and you
are not sitting in front of a counselor trying to defend yourself to keep
strength of your ego. So often we turn our heads saying: "That
is not me!" to people that we deal with. Your approach does
not make someone do that..... I look forward to reviewing the results
again and I will be looking at the other help guidelines you offer. Thank
A Psychology Student
I am a 26 year old female, studying psychology at the University of
_____. Congratulations on a very interesting site! It is
providing me with some rewarding tips on everyday life, helps with positive
thinking, as well as reinforcing those important "soul" issues
which are often left behind in a hurry!
Really Diving In....
I just wanted to say I found your web site by accident today and I
have been thoroughly enjoying my time on it the past 3 hours (smiles)!
I've shared it with a lot of friends already and will continue
browsing and soaking up the invaluable information - I am sure that
I will be writing to you again at some stage in the near future....
Peace & Love
Almost a Poem....
From someone who wrote only a few times:
"You took an Internet and made it come to life. You added
safety and humanity. Showing endless patience, offering an interactive
reference point, and genuine interest.
You have contributed greatly to my life."
Happier Without Her...
Another person who I only exchanged a few letters with, so long ago
that I've forgotten most of what we talked about, but...
"I was feeling depressed for a while and I didn't understand why.
I met someone a while back and I had been putting a lot into the
relationship. What I learned is that I am depressed because she
is not putting the equal amount in. I was angry!
I feel better just telling someone.
I think it's time I let her go.
Success and Self-Therapy....
An old friend and ex-intimate partner sent me via e-mail your topic
" About Love"... and thanked me for showing him how to learn
to be emotionally healthy and love one's self after a devastating divorce
experience.... Even though I believe that my emotional health
is the strongest and healthiest ever, I also know that it is a full
time job to maintain and continue to learn from professionals like you
who are willing to share your knowledge and experience.
So thank you for the wonderful web page and incredible self-therapy
people can use only if they choose to..."
John Bradshaw and Self-Therapy...
My god what a site!!!!!!!!!!!!! So informative!!! I have
been reading a lot of John Bradshaw's books and and been to one of his
lectures, you have given me a totally different insight on human behavior
and then some! I have been printing your literature for about
7 hours now. Tomorrow I will read every single word! Keep up the
good work! We need your web site!!!
Desperately seeking self-help!!!! :) :) :)
Note: Bradshaw and I actually agree quite a bit.... but, of
course, I was glad to hear these kind words regardless.
About the Relationship Analysis Questionnaire...
His first letter...
Thanks for putting this questionnaire on the web. My fiancé
and I are trying to plan a wedding but we are going through some tough
times. This survey helped me feel that the relationship is not
We have lost the romance in our lives but we are trying to find and
rekindle the flame. I disappointed her on an important day and
she told me that she had been feeling unattractive at least in my eyes.
She is very attractive but I have somehow lost the way of telling
her. Last year there was a big celebration for this event but
this year only a movie. I now find that she thrives a lot more
on expressions of love through gifts like cards and flowers in addition
to the time we spend together. Your questionnaire has pointed
out my strength and weakness a lot clearer than anyone else has. I'm
going to call her and tell her what I've done. She will be thrilled
and will probably want to do the questionnaire also.
His second letter...
We discussed our relationship woes and admitted to ourselves that
we do have some problems. We came up with a plan to keep working
the problem and ultimately try to communicate regardless of how upset
we become. The time we spent together this weekend refreshed our
love for each other and we look forward to our wedding.
Thanks for putting out that survey.
Thank you for providing this web site. It is a lifesaver! It's
much more effective than my shelves of self-help books, or other sites
I've found. As you say, it isn't a substitute for face-to-face therapy,
but we can't always afford that. You are helping me to keep on track through
this long winter, my depression, and my sweetie's medication-resistant
More Letters Like These ------> Letters
Letters with direct advice from me can be found in ----->
Please Tell Your Friends About
Enjoy Your Changes!
Everything here is designed to help you do just that!
Write To Me, I Want To Hear From You!
Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee)
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