Q: I found a large box of pornography pictures and videos in my thirteen year old son’s room. I know that there is a certain normal curiosity at this age about sex and all that. However, most of the material I found was of forced sex. He wouldn’t discuss any of this with me and besides going to school won’t come out of his room. Should I be concerned? Or could this be a phase?
A: Basically, HE should be concerned, and I’m sure he is concerned. I’d strongly encourage him to speak with a professional about this even though this does NOT necessarily mean that he has a big problem.
Certainly his strong sexual desire is normal at this age, and his not wanting to talk with his mother about it is completely normal, and even some degree of isolating from the family is normal (especially considering that you found this material).
I could speculate further about what the type of pornography he has in his room might mean, but I don’t want to do him a disservice by taking the chance of overreacting and misinterpreting. He simply needs to talk to a competent professional so he can sort this all out. And you need to let him do this in complete confidentiality (no questions about what they talked about when he gets home, OK…?).
