Q: You seem to answer lots of questions about how to get help if you’re hurting people sexually or if you are the one being hurt. You make it sound easy to tell but you’re wrong.
A: It’s not easy. It’s hard! And it’s necessary. And it should be done in the safest way possible. It’s hard for the victim to decide who is the safest person to tell, of course. Therapists are often the best, but there are bad therapists too, I know.
But it is also true that therapists are now exposed to a lot of information about this kind of abuse so we are your best bet. (I wonder if you told someone years ago. Back then it was very difficult to find anyone who would have treated you well. Even therapists had no idea how often such things happened back then, and how horribly people were being abused, especially children. Now we know. And any therapist who mistreats you or doesn’t believe you is a rarity. Leave that therapist’s office immediately, go to another therapist, and when you find the good one make sure to tell what happened when you saw the bad one. They can help you decide what to do about how you were treated.)
Q: You should tell people that if they tell about being abused they are the ones that get in trouble not the people hurting them. If you’re a kid you get more hurt from the people you get sent to after telling about it. That is why I never tell no one.
A: I am sorry you had such horrible experiences. Being hurt by one person and then being sent to someone else and being hurt again is just terrible. All I can say is I’m sorry.
Q: But you should be honest to those people that write to you. And if you got guys writing to you, you should just tell them to forget about it because people don’t even think nothing happens to us guys. And no one gives a shit either.
A: This was a lot more true in the past than in recent years. But I do know things were terrible in the past and I’ve been around too long to think that bad things have totally stopped happening even now. The thing is that people who have been treated so badly MUST get help. And now the chances are extremely good that you will be treated with respect.
