Problems With Anger
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL ANGER
If we work and live around other people,
we get angry about twenty times every day.
And yet many people would swear they seldom get angry at all.
We tend to be so afraid of our anger that, as a culture, we pretend it
Our anger is there to protect us and to help us overcome obstacles
to what we want.
But if we are too afraid to use it, we become our own obstacle.
ANGER AND GUILT
The biggest problem with anger is guilt.
Since we have been taught that anger is bad,
we pretend that we aren't angry and claim to be "hurt" instead.
This waters down the intensity of our anger,
greatly complicates our attempts to get what we want,
and ultimately sets us up as "victims" or "martyrs."
FEAR OF RAGE
Intense anger is called rage.
It is so intense, that it begs for a physical release.
It is very common to think about violence when we feel
but thought is not action
and violence is never necessary
(except to protect our lives, of course).
When You Have Violent Images, Remember:
The images are only a fantasy, and it is normal to have them at
times like this.
You do not have to act out what you imagine, so there's no reason
Violent fantasies are just a measure of how angry you are. It's
good for you to know you are so angry.
The fantasies are only telling you that you want to use your body
to express all this anger. Go ahead! Hit a pillow, smash some old
glassware, do anything that helps you to release all that anger
- as long as it doesn't physically hurt you or anyone else.
When you are finished, you will feel relief.
After the relief, decide what you are going to do about
the situation that got you so angry in the first place.
PROBLEMS WITH UNNATURAL ANGER
Unnatural anger occurs when we think we are angry but we
feeling some other feeling (sadness, scare, joy, excitement or guilt).
MOST COMMON PROBLEM
The most common problem is using unnatural anger to cover
up both sadness and fear.
We all know some "grouches" or "chronic
From our perspective on the outside, these people seem to be constantly
They may yell, or say mean things, or simply complain all the time.
When you meet these people, know that they are not particularly
(If they were really angry there would be a natural duration to their
and they would have been finished with it a long time ago.)
These people usually have suffered intense sadness and
fear for years.
They gave up on life many years ago,
possibly after feeling abandoned by someone.
They are sad because they feel they've "lost everything."
They are fearful because they think they have nobody to
help them stay safe.
What they need is a close relationship with people they
But, sadly, they will fight this off very, very well.
"I'm Afraid I'd Kill Someone!"
I hear this excuse for running away from anger all the time, usually from
very kind people.
When I hear this, I usually ask:
"Well, would you?"
And they say:
"No, of course not!".
And I say: "Then all you need to do is believe yourself...."
(Of course if you really are afraid you might kill or hurt someone
- yourself or anyone else -
stop reading this right now,
get on the phone,
and call a good therapist!)
"Who Do You Think You Are, Young Man!"
When children get angry at adults,
the adults frequently respond with
demeaning comments designed to
"put the child in his place."
As adults, we need to overcome
this negative childhood conditioning
and reclaim our power.
Anger = Energy = Power
When we are angry we are feeling raw energy that is ready for use.
This is our power.
The only real decision we have to make is:
"How will I use all this power?"
Your anger is like a laser beam.
Aim it precisely where it will do you the most good.
We all confuse our feelings sometimes.
If you thought you had a problem with anger but these words
your problem may be related to one of the other feelings.
Also, be sure you've read ---> ANGER
- HOW IT WORKS NATURALLY
Please Tell Your Friends About
Enjoy Your Changes!
Everything here is designed to help you do just that!
Write To Me, I Want To Hear From You!
Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee)
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