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The psychology of my daily life.

Perfect Ice Cubes:
We don’t have an icemaker in our refrigerator, and I wouldn’t want one. Don’t like those tiny cubes, and I don’t want to lose my daily challenge of trying to fill the trays just perfectly. I want the largest cubes possible - and they have to fall easily out of the tray without breaking. (Making the perfect cup of coffee got old.)

Need a moral?:
It’s the little things…
We all find our own challenges in life.

Advice?:
Find your own perfect ice cubes.
Make daily tasks entertaining.

This Month’s Issue:
This week three clients identified “working too hard” as a problem. On one day last month three others were reluctant to disagree with their partner. When I notice such trends in others, I have to ask myself if it’s only about them or if it’s also about me.

Need a moral?:
Sometimes we see ourselves more clearly while we look at others. It’s called projecting.

Advice?:
Catch your projections.
Know that they aren’t all about the other person, and they aren’t all about you either. They are always about both of you.
Face the part that’s about you. (I did.)


Hobbies and Obsessions:
In the ‘80’s it was Pac Man and his friends. Then it was learning about web sites and computers. Now it’s crossword puzzles. I always seem to need a kick.

Need a moral?:
Hobbies are good, obsessions are bad. It’s an obsession if it hurts when you don’t have it.

Advice?:
Be glad to have interests and hobbies, let go of them easily, and know you’ll always find another.


I Remember Mama:
Sometimes I see my mother in my own eyes in the mirror. At other times I catch myself being like her when I put my hand to my mouth. And new passengers are always shocked at how quickly I speed away from traffic lights and then quickly settle into normal driving speeds – like my mother did, like my kids do today, and like my grandkids will probably do tomorrow.

Need a moral?:
Don’t be surprised to find your parents in yourself and yourself in your children.

Advice?: Accept such similarities as unavoidable, and change only those that bother you.


Oprah and My Friend:
I recorded Oprah’s anniversary show for Janet, and I was shocked to find myself tearing up as we watched together. There wasn’t anything really sad, just happy surprises I got choked up about. It made me realize that I’ve been feeling more vulnerable lately, ever since a very good friend lost his wife suddenly - and told me and our other friends about it in a deeply personal way. While he got our love, he enriched our lives by helping us to feel everything else more deeply.

Need a moral?:
When we show how we feel, we enrich our own lives and everyone else’s.

Advice?:
Have emotionally significant conversations with anyone who is likely to treat you well. Then notice how it changes you, and how much your friend appreciates it.
(Thanks, Jack)

The Ozarks:
We drove through the Ozark Mountains recently but didn’t see them. We were on one mountain while we were looking at the others, so the mountains just looked like a bunch of hills.

Need a moral?:
It’s all about perspective.
“… the forest for the trees.”

Advice?:
Ask others for their perspective when you have important decisions to make, especially if they might have a different point of view.
(Don’t take a driving vacation to the Ozarks.)


A Topsy-Turvy Time:
Our house is undergoing a major construction project and, since I work at home, I’ve had to completely change my daily schedule to accommodate the noise and confusion. It messed with my sleep pattern and even made it hard to think sometimes.

Need a moral?:
Chaos threatens your mental and physical well-being.

Advice?:
Avoid chaos any way you can.
If your family is in chaos, get help now.


Chicken Little / Little Chicken:
My clients seem more scared recently, almost like after the Trade Center attack some years ago. Nobody mentions the bird flu, political instability, or Iraq. It’s always about insecurity at work, disagreements with friends, financial concerns, etc. Personal anxieties like these, although they are always present, get magnified when the media finds new ways to scare us (into watching their shows and buying their products).

Need a moral?:
”It’s only a movie...”

Advice?:
If there’s no immediate threat, there’s no threat. Period. You are safe.
When you are told that everybody feels afraid, don’t believe it.
Don’t let anybody tell you how to feel.
Notice how quickly you can let go of any fear.


Brainiac?:
I must have been on some kind of a roll. In just a few days time, two clients and a friend all mentioned
that they think I’m smart. It felt good when it happened, of course, but when I told Janet about it a few weeks later, I wondered why it didn’t feel particularly good anymore.
Then I remembered a family I knew early in my career. The boy and both his parents had very low intelligence but they were, and still are, the closest and happiest family I’ve known.
That reminded me that intelligence and other such traits don’t bring much happiness, especially when
compared to feeling close to those you love and who love you.
So we snuggled. (All together now, everybody say “Awwwww.”)

Need a moral?:
I doubt it…

Advice?:
Snuggle with you-know-who, give your best friend a call, or set up a time to get together with a group of friends. And if you think you have a good reason to wait, doubt it.


It’s Hard!:
I started writing this topic because I just felt like doing something different. And I thought it would be
easier to write about applying psychological principles to my own life than to talk about them in general. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
This topic took about four times longer than the more typical ones.

Moral, for me?:
It’s hard to talk about yourself in a really personal way. You keep wondering if you’ll look bad when you reveal yourself.

Advice, for me!:
Be more understanding when your clients feel this way!

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Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee) 

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