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Self Love

Almost all emotional problems indicate a lack of self-love.
(Only a few very rare problems
which are caused entirely by physical disease
can be excluded.)

DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF?

I'm going to be giving you a lot of examples of how self-love works.
Remember as you read this that nobody is self-loving all of the time.

If these examples make you realize that you do not love yourself very much today,
use them to remind yourself of times
when you did feel self-loving,
and why you could feel that way then,
and what you can do today to get back to feeling that way.

And, since we have varying degrees of self-love at different times,
use this information to s-t-r-e-t-c-h yourself to be more self-loving today!



USING THE MIRROR

Here is the very best way I know of to determine whether you love yourself:
The next time you are looking into a mirror, look DEEP into your own eyes
(as if you can see right through to your "self").

Then notice how you feel in your body as you say "I love you."
Is the statement true - or are you lying to yourself?


What do you see?:
Self-loving people tend to see themselves as a whole when they look into a mirror.

Other people tend to see
either their positive characteristics or their negative characteristics
(as if that big nose or that beautiful hair or that pimple on the forehead
is somehow the whole person).

Self-loving people LIKE what they see overall, despite their flaws.
Others tend to like (or dislike) only their appearance - not themselves.


The Sudden Mirror:
What is your immediate reaction
when you accidentally see your reflection in a storefront window?

I don't care if you think the person is good looking or not.
What I care about is this:
If you met this person on the street,
would you LIKE them?



THE BASIC PRINCIPLES OF SELF-LOVE

"Who we are is more important than what we do."

"We are valuable. Nothing can change that."

"What we want always matters."



IN RELATIONSHIPS

Since self-loving people tend to treat themselves well...

They see fun and enjoyment as a primary goal most of the time
(even when it is hard to attain).

They do not tolerate mistreatment by others.

They are caring toward others.
(It feels better to be that way.)

They never put anyone else first.
(Even those they love are "a close second.")



ABOUT MISTAKES

Self-loving people know that they often make mistakes.

Since they live their lives for the joy they can find,
they do a lot of experimenting and try many new things.

Since they aren't dumb (or self-destructive),
these experiments work out well most of the time
- but sometimes they do go wrong.

When this happens, self-loving people are not surprised!
They simply apologize if necessary,
fix anything that can be fixed,
and move on.....

Self-loving people are responsible, not guilty.

Self-loving people don't make many excuses
especially to themselves.



GOD, THE COSMOS, OR WHATEVER...

Children are born with a deep sense of their own OK-ness.
They know at birth that they are loved by God
or are accepted by the cosmos.

Most of us lose this wonderful sense of peace and self-acceptance
somewhere along the line.

WE NEED TO RE-EXPERIENCE
THE SENSE OF WELL-BEING WE HAD WHEN WE WERE BORN.

From a psychological point of view it doesn't matter at all
whether we re-experience this
through some organized religion,
some new-age philosophy,
an experience with a white light,
or whatever.

What matters is that we keep pursuing this sense of well-being
until we find it!


Once we know that we are OK in this deep sense,
we automatically know these other vitally important things:

That we are lovable.

That we deserve to be treated well.

That it is unnatural to refuse to take love.

That it is unnatural to refuse to give love.

That self-love does not depend on what we do.

That love is always a gift, not something we earn.

That self-hate is always an illusion.


We also know, of course,
that God's standards are extremely low!


Please Tell Your Friends About This Site.

Enjoy Your Changes!

Everything here is designed to help you do just that!

Relationship
Analysis



Write To Me, I Want To Hear From You!
Tony Schirtzinger, Therapist (Milwaukee) 

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