I Often Feel Futile or Hopeless
Feeling Safe
Throughout 95 percent of human history, staying safe was something we did! Now, since most of us have pretty safe lives, it is something we want to feel. PROTECTING YOURSELF IN THE REAL WORLD If there is a real threat in your life (an abusive family member, someone...
Finding Purpose
We all want the sense that we have fulfilled our purpose in life. Therapy clients in particular, after they have conquered most of their demons, feel a strong desire to find new purpose. With their unhealthy goals now eliminated, they wonder: “How will I spend...
Getting Enough Attention
“HE’S ONLY DOING IT FOR THE ATTENTION” What a ridiculous statement! Getting attention is vital for all of us. As infants we would actually die if we didn’t get enough attention, and as adults we are miserable and can actually go crazy if we are...
Guidelines For Emotional Health
I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...
Handling Criticism
Criticism can be good for us, if it is wanted. But handling unwanted criticism is a burden in all our lives. A PERSONAL STORY I want to tell you about the least successful therapy I’ve ever done. A few years ago a woman was referred to me by her doctor. When I...
Hate
Are you hated? Who do you hate? WHY ARE YOU HATED? Print this topic. Then circle the words that describe you. Sex: Male Female Other Race: Black Brown Yellow White Red Mixed Schooling: Primary Secondary B.A. M.A. Ph.D Employment: None Employee Employer Professional...
Healing From Sexual Abuse: A Strategy
n all topics related to childhood sexual abuse, please understand that by using female pronouns I am definitely not saying that all abuse happens to girls. It happens about twice as often to girls, but abuse is abuse and it’s horrible in any form. If you are...
How Are You Spending Your Life?
TIME AND ENERGY Life is really no more than a certain limited amount of time and energy. We make choices – every second – about how we spend that time and energy. To have a better life we must make better choices about how we use our time and energy. WHERE...
How To Talk About Feelings
How can we talk about our feelings? How much is too much? How much is not enough? THREE DECISIONS Whenever we talk to anyone, we make three quick decisions. Whether To SAY What We Feel. Whether To EXPRESS The Feelings. Whether To WORK AT PROBLEM SOLVING. We usually...
Living With Alcoholics
THE PROBLEM Alcoholism is still the scourge of this country. Earlier identification of the problem and better treatment programs have improved things, but the number of lives damaged and all of other costs involved remain immense. Much of what will be said here...
Loneliness
We are all lonely sometimes. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to arrange our lives to be sure it doesn’t happen regularly. Everyone needs regular doses of attention every day. DAILY LONELINESS Daily loneliness comes from ignoring our natural...
Motivation
BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Powerful Ideas #1
A good therapist provides many “permissions.” A permission is a statement which helps you feel “allowed” to do well. The statements below are some of the many permissions I’ve sent your way in these topics. If you are looking for some...
Problems With Anger
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL ANGER If we work and live around other people, we get angry about twenty times every day. And yet many people would swear they seldom get angry at all. We tend to be so afraid of our anger that, as a culture, we pretend it isn’t there....
Problems With Sadness
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL SADNESS Unfortunately, when we are confronted with a huge amount of sadness we are likely to fear that it will last forever. No matter how deeply you believe that it will last forever, it won’t! You need to trust that this is true. Ideally,...
Problems With Scare
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL SCARE Natural scare only occurs when we are face to face with a real threat to our existence (a high speed auto coming toward us, threats with a weapon, etc.). Almost No Problems At All: Natural fear causes almost no psychological problems at all...
Quitting Addictions
MY KNOWLEDGE AND INTEREST I’m not an expert on addictions but I do know a lot about how people change. And overcoming addiction is one of the biggest changes anyone can make. So here are the beliefs and methods I find most helpful for people who are licking...
Sexual Abuse In Childhood
ABOUT THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES This is the first of a series of articles on the general topic of childhood sexual abuse. Our focus will be on adults who were sexually abused as children and who did not receive adequate parental or professional care afterwards. This...
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...