I Want Help With Children or With Family Problems
How To Play
There are only three possible ways to spend our time and energy. We can only work, rest, or play. We work to produce things of value. We rest to recharge our bodies and minds. We play just for the fun of it. Ideally, we should spend about one-third of our awake time...
How To Talk About Feelings
How can we talk about our feelings? How much is too much? How much is not enough? THREE DECISIONS Whenever we talk to anyone, we make three quick decisions. Whether To SAY What We Feel. Whether To EXPRESS The Feelings. Whether To WORK AT PROBLEM SOLVING. We usually...
Life’s “Craziest” Beliefs
A QUICK MENTAL HEALTH TEST Ask yourself if you believe any of these three statements: “The world is a scary place.” “I am only alive to please other people.” “I cannot change.” If you find that you do believe any of these...
Living With Alcoholics
THE PROBLEM Alcoholism is still the scourge of this country. Earlier identification of the problem and better treatment programs have improved things, but the number of lives damaged and all of other costs involved remain immense. Much of what will be said here...
Making Decisions
We are all indecisive sometimes. It happens whenever there are two things we want almost equally but we can only have one of them. This topic will help you decide with confidence when you think you can’t decide. We’ll look at seven ways we get confused....
Mistakes Every Good Parent Makes
“DRIVERS” “Drivers” are phrases most parents say to their children very, very often – at least once most days. They can be stated kindly or callously, quietly or loudly, but the message is always the same: “If you want to please me...
Motivation
BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...
Perfectionism
BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Quitting Addictions
MY KNOWLEDGE AND INTEREST I’m not an expert on addictions but I do know a lot about how people change. And overcoming addiction is one of the biggest changes anyone can make. So here are the beliefs and methods I find most helpful for people who are licking...
Self Love
Almost all emotional problems indicate a lack of self-love. (Only a few very rare problems which are caused entirely by physical disease can be excluded.) DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? I’m going to be giving you a lot of examples of how self-love works. Remember as you...
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...
Should We Blame Our Parents?
The answer to this question can be stated quickly and clearly, but understanding the answer can take a lifetime. THE QUICK ANSWER: Don’t blame your parents unless you have to. But do hold them, and yourself, RESPONSIBLE. AN EXAMPLE: “THE STUPID...
Stop Making Comparisons!
A HOT TIP Want a hot tip about how to quickly and permanently improve how you feel? STOP MAKING COMPARISONS! All kinds of comparisons! TWO KINDS OF COMPARISONS Remember the last time you heard someone make a comparison about you. They might have said: “You look...
Teenagers
WHAT ARE THEY TRYING TO PROVE? Teenagers are trying to prove to themselves that they don’t need anyone. If you get in the way of this natural process, you will face big trouble. If you convince them that they do need you, they may never grow up and never...
Were You Loved As A Child?
Many people scoff whenever this topic comes up. “What difference does it make now?” they ask. “There are some people who like me now, and maybe some of them even love me.” “So what, if I wasn’t loved as a child!?” That’s...
What Helps?
Sometimes we want to be helpful to an adult friend who is feeling bad. How can we offer personal help to a friend? How can we guard against damaging our relationship with them in the process? THREE GUIDING PRINCIPLES 1) Do you really want to help? 2) Are you willing...
Who Needs Help?
If you wonder if you are normal, the answer is definitely “No.” You aren’t normal because normal is only an idea, not a reality. Normalcy just isn’t worth discussing. But I do have my own opinions about what is typical or average in our...
Who’s Healthy?
The best measure of emotional health is: How well do we handle the problems and opportunities we face in our daily lives? If you are extremely neurotic but you’ve found a way to survive a difficult life, you are far healthier than those who avoid such labels...
Why Are You Treated The Way You Are?
THE 95% RULE Ninety-five percent of the time we get treated the way we INVITE people to treat us. ABOUT “INVITATIONS” Everything we do, especially our nonverbal behavior, is an invitation to those around us. A smile is an invitation. So is a frown. So is a...