I Want to Improve and I Am Willing to Work on Myself for a While

Depression In The Culture

CHRONIC MILD DEPRESSION Professionals refer to ongoing, mild depression as “dysthymic disorder.” People who do not know the jargon tend to say much clearer things like: “I just feel blah all the time.” “I’m sick and tired of how my...

Depression: The Problem

WHAT MAKES US DEPRESSED? We get angry about twenty times a day. If we believe our anger is bad or that it’s scary to be angry, we keep it inside. The unexpressed anger builds up. It takes so much energy to keep it bottled up that we get tired from all that...

Depression: What To Do About It

BE ANGRY OR BE DEPRESSED Depressed people are angry people who don’t admit it to themselves. They tend to say nothing when they should be saying: “Get out of my way!” Anger is a natural emotion which occurs whenever something is in our way. We...

Discipline

FEARFULNESS The most troubled adults I know are those who were frightened as children by extreme physical abuse or psychological terror. Their parents called it “discipline.” The more horrendous the beatings and the more frightening the threats, the longer...

Employment

JOB SEEKING If you are in the envious situation of being able to look for new work while having a current means of support, spend the first month or so applying for jobs you would like to have but which seem “way over your head”. The experience you get at...

Fantasy and Reality – Part 1

Part One is a bit theoretical. Part Two will be more practical. NEVER THE TWAIN…. Popular culture says we are “crazy” if we can’t tell fantasy from reality. If that’s the definition, then we are all crazy. (No news there!) The key to...

Fantasy and Reality – Part 2

Part One was mostly theoretical. Part Two is more practical. SUMMARY OF PART ONE Fantasy is all mental activity. Reality is what we know through our senses. Fantasy should only be used for entertainment and for brief problem solving. HOW IT HELPS TO TELL THE...

Feel Safe By “Safing Yourself”

UNNECESSARY FEAR Everyone feels unnecessary fear sometimes. Some people feel it almost constantly. When you feel this way, you know you are scaring yourself mentally and that you need to stop it. But stopping it can be difficult. How can you make it easier to stop?...

Feeling Like You Belong

We all want to have the sense that we belong among people we know. Where do we really belong? What makes us feel less like we belong? What makes us feel more like we belong? WHERE DO YOU BELONG? You belong where you say you belong! The decision about whether you...

Feeling Safe

Throughout 95 percent of human history, staying safe was something we did! Now, since most of us have pretty safe lives, it is something we want to feel. PROTECTING YOURSELF IN THE REAL WORLD If there is a real threat in your life (an abusive family member, someone...

Finding Purpose

We all want the sense that we have fulfilled our purpose in life. Therapy clients in particular, after they have conquered most of their demons, feel a strong desire to find new purpose. With their unhealthy goals now eliminated, they wonder: “How will I spend...

Getting Enough Attention

“HE’S ONLY DOING IT FOR THE ATTENTION” What a ridiculous statement! Getting attention is vital for all of us. As infants we would actually die if we didn’t get enough attention, and as adults we are miserable and can actually go crazy if we are...

Growing Up Emotionally

THE DAY WE GREW UP Most of us can remember the day we grew up. It was the day our parents did us the favor of being so unreasonable that we said good-bye to our dependence on them forever and entered into the adult world of choices. Looking back, we realize that the...

Guidelines For Emotional Health

I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...

Handling Criticism

Criticism can be good for us, if it is wanted. But handling unwanted criticism is a burden in all our lives. A PERSONAL STORY I want to tell you about the least successful therapy I’ve ever done. A few years ago a woman was referred to me by her doctor. When I...

Hate

Are you hated? Who do you hate? WHY ARE YOU HATED? Print this topic. Then circle the words that describe you. Sex: Male Female Other Race: Black Brown Yellow White Red Mixed Schooling: Primary Secondary B.A. M.A. Ph.D Employment: None Employee Employer Professional...

How Are You Spending Your Life?

TIME AND ENERGY Life is really no more than a certain limited amount of time and energy. We make choices – every second – about how we spend that time and energy. To have a better life we must make better choices about how we use our time and energy. WHERE...

How Happy Couples Stay That Way

Here is my personal list of the traits I admire most in couples. I’ve arranged them from “most necessary” on down. [Thanks to my two major “teachers” on this topic: Janet, my wife, and the couples I’ve met through therapy.]  TIME...

How To Have A Lousy Sex Life!

THE THERAPIST’S WARPED VIEW Therapists may not know much more than the average person about how to have a good sex life, but we sure do know a lot about how to have a lousy one! We’ve heard every bad idea in the book. Here, then, are the best bad ideas...

How To Play

There are only three possible ways to spend our time and energy. We can only work, rest, or play. We work to produce things of value. We rest to recharge our bodies and minds. We play just for the fun of it. Ideally, we should spend about one-third of our awake time...