I Want Help With Employment Problems

Are You Expecting Too Much?

THE CURSE OF EXPECTATIONS We pick on ourselves when we don’t meet our own expectations. We feel sad and angry when others don’t meet the expectations we put on them. And even when our expectations are met we don’t feel very good about it. We just...

Basics #1: Your Needs and Wants

What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. INTRODUCTION This topic explains what your feelings are, how to use them to help yourself, and how to overcome the ones that get in your way. This...

Basics #2: Your Natural Feelings

What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. THE NATURAL, REAL FEELINGS Feelings that start in our senses are natural responses to the real world. When we notice real anger, or sadness, or scare,...

Basics #3: Unnatural Feelings

What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. ABOUT GUILT Since guilt is not a natural, necessary emotion, it blocks and wastes our energy. GUILT IS A COVER-UP FOR ANGER WHICH LEAVES US FEELING SAD....

Boundaries

WHAT THEY ARE The concept of “boundaries” relates to our sense of self. At birth and for a long while after, a baby has no real sense of who they are. When we see a baby in their mother’s arms, we see two people – the child and the mother. But...

Changing Your Personality

People who have never experienced therapy often ask: “Do people really change?” People who have experienced good therapy know the answer is a resounding “Yes!” [If you wonder about this yourself, please read: “About Change.”] But there’s a related question that even...

Clear Communication: #1

COMMUNICATION TRICKS I’m going to be telling you about some “tricks” you can use to communicate clearly with anyone. I call them tricks because most people don’t know about them and because they often work so powerfully that they seem to give...

Clear Communication: #2

This is the second in a series of topics on communication. Refer back to topic #1 if you need to. SUMMARY OF THE FIRST TOPIC Have a purpose, and remember it. Remember the topic, notice when it starts to change, and go back to it. Be ready to cooperate – so both...

Cooperation: How?

“Cooperation #1: Why?” was about why we cooperate and how to decide whether to cooperate or compete. This topic is about how to actually do the cooperating. THE CONVERSATION We could come up with some nonverbal examples of good cooperation but most of the...

Cooperation: Why?

People who want to control us say, “All I want is for you to cooperate.” What they really mean is, “Go along with me or I’ll accuse you of not being cooperative.” Cooperation isn’t about giving up what you want. It isn’t about...

Do You Think You Can’t?

You are incapable of something if you are physically unable to do it. You are capable of something if you are physically able to do it. If you were hired to do something your mind just can’t comprehend, you are incapable of those duties. If you want to walk up a...

Employment

JOB SEEKING If you are in the envious situation of being able to look for new work while having a current means of support, spend the first month or so applying for jobs you would like to have but which seem “way over your head”. The experience you get at...

Feeling Like You Belong

We all want to have the sense that we belong among people we know. Where do we really belong? What makes us feel less like we belong? What makes us feel more like we belong? WHERE DO YOU BELONG? You belong where you say you belong! The decision about whether you...

Finding Purpose

We all want the sense that we have fulfilled our purpose in life. Therapy clients in particular, after they have conquered most of their demons, feel a strong desire to find new purpose. With their unhealthy goals now eliminated, they wonder: “How will I spend...

Guidelines For Emotional Health

I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...

Handling Criticism

Criticism can be good for us, if it is wanted. But handling unwanted criticism is a burden in all our lives. A PERSONAL STORY I want to tell you about the least successful therapy I’ve ever done. A few years ago a woman was referred to me by her doctor. When I...

How Are You Spending Your Life?

TIME AND ENERGY Life is really no more than a certain limited amount of time and energy. We make choices – every second – about how we spend that time and energy. To have a better life we must make better choices about how we use our time and energy. WHERE...

Making Decisions

We are all indecisive sometimes. It happens whenever there are two things we want almost equally but we can only have one of them. This topic will help you decide with confidence when you think you can’t decide. We’ll look at seven ways we get confused....

Motivation

BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...

Perfectionism

BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...