Q: My home has been forever a place of intense verbal abuse and fear and, for my Mom, physical abuse as well. I finally succeeded in getting away; soon my little sister might as well.

What of my Mom? Leaving is not an option for her, nor is any sort of therapy. Suggestions?

A: This is a sad situation for everyone who had to live in such a family, of course. And the sad truth you need to face is that your mother’s problem of “taking it” all these years is a *major* part of the problem everyone else has had to face.

Even sadder for you, since you care about her, is that you must face that you can’t save her.

She can save herself. And if she thinks she “can’t” leave (of course she can!), and she refuses to see she has a problem plenty serious enough to go to therapy about, then that’s just the way it is. You can’t change that any more than you could change the abusiveness all around you when you lived there.

Put your focus on saving yourself now!

Build a good life for yourself with a new family (a “family of friends” as you may have read about a few times at my site). Thanks for your time; you have no idea what a Haven your site is nor how wonderful it is to know that somebody will listen and care!

Are you in therapy? You should consider it, with that background. It in no way means you are crazy or that there’s anything negative about you. It only means you are wise enough to want to heal faster by getting help to overcome the natural effects of being surrounded by fear and abuse all those years

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