Therapists may not know much more than the average person
about how to have a good sex life,
but we sure do know a lot about how to have a lousy one!
We’ve heard every bad idea in the book.
Here, then, are the best bad ideas
I’ve heard about sex in my years as a therapist.
I’d suggest you put an “X” next to each item you think is correct.
(A REALLY BIG “X” – to signify that
you want this idea to go away forever!)
ABOUT NORMALCY AND “STANDARDS”
____ Always be sure that what you do in the bedroom is “normal.”
____ Ask yourself often: “What would my parents think if they saw me doing this?”
____ Remember: God didn’t give you sex to be enjoyed. He gave it to you as a cruel test!
____ It’s reasonable to be shocked if you are touched sexually away from the bedroom.
____ Don’t worry about cleanliness or how you dress once you’ve “got” your sex partner.
____ Remember that women are passive and men are active. Period.
____ Never have sex unless you feel intense love for each other.
____ Never have sex when you are angry or “down.”
AWAY FROM YOUR PARTNER: WHAT YOU THINK
____ If you have a thought about doing something “weird,” that proves you want to do it.
____ Don’t allow yourself to think about sex away from the bedroom.
____ Don’t allow yourself to think about sex with anyone other than your partner.
____ Never masturbate!
____ Never let your desires grow unless you are with your partner and it’s OK with them.
____ Never look sexy in public (unless you are with your partner and they insist).
____ Think of sex as “intercourse only” and as “doing it.”
____ Don’t have fantasies in bed. Think only about what’s going on right now!
____ Remember: Your partner’s pleasure is your responsibility, not theirs.
____ Remember: Your pleasure is your partner’s responsibility, not yours.
____ Always think of your partner’s needs first! Try to forget about your own desires.
____ Never discuss your fantasies, no matter how accepting your partner seems to be.
____ Build toward orgasm continuously.
____ Try to keep both people’s excitement at the same level at all times.
____ Work hard at achieving mutual orgasms.
____ Don’t touch anything but genitals, breasts, and maybe buttocks (on a “wild” night!).
____ Never touch your own genitals during sex!
____ Never try to enact “scenes” of any kind. Stick to business!
____ Never have “one way” sex! If either person isn’t interested, just forget it!
____ Never take turns pleasing each other.
____ If you need advice about sex, get it from someone who has taken a vow of celibacy.
____ If your therapist gets a little tongue-tied when you bring up sex, you’ve found a good one!
____ Remember that sex is just a normal thing so therapists don’t really need any special training in it.
____ If something is wrong in your relationship and you don’t know what it is, it probably isn’t sex!
I could go on and on with this,
but I think I’ll remove my tongue from my cheek for the rest of this topic.
Normalcy simply doesn’t matter.
What matters is whether both of you enjoy what you do.
THE SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP:
The sexual relationship is always there,
not just in the bedroom but whenever you are together.
It occurs between people who are usually equally sexual,
and equal in all other ways – regardless of gender.
And sex is a good idea whenever you can enjoy it,
not just when you feel intensely loving.
WHAT YOU THINK AND DO AWAY FROM YOUR PARTNER:
Keep any promises you have made to your partner.
Other than that, remember that your life away from your partner is entirely your own business.
WHAT TO THINK AND DO IN THE BEDROOM:
Think whatever you want!
And do whatever you want that your partner hasn’t specifically ruled out!
ABOUT PROBLEMS AND GETTING HELP:
If something is wrong and you don’t know what it is, it probably is sex!
A well-trained therapist
– with a good sex life of their own –
is what you and your partner need.
You can usually tell if your therapist has a good sex life
by seeing them with their partner
and looking for either an excited smile or a relaxed smile on both faces!
(That’s how we can tell about you and your partner…!)