Your score:
Your Partner’s score:

Something May Be Wrong. Double check Your Answers!

This scoring pattern indicates that there is not much of a difference in your relationship between the times when YOU want something and the times when THE OTHER PERSON wants these same things. This is NOT the way real relationships usually go!

This May Be A Minor Problem or a Serious One.
Ask yourself…Did I take these questions VERY seriously as I answered them or did I just try to “breeze through them”?

The Minor Problem… 
These scores might only indicate that you were “breezing through” the relationship analysis today and you just didn’t feel like doing all of the hard work of imagining the differences between you and your partner. In other words, maybe you didn’t really think through your answers well enough today.

This is a very minor problem. Either “proceed with caution” (below) or come back another day when you feel more like doing the harder thinking that is needed here.

The Serious Problem… 
These scores might also indicate a problem which is very common and has very serious consequences for your relationship. It may actually be that you can’t tell the difference between yourself and the other person well enough to be successful in a complex adult relationship!

DO NOT “ASSUME” THAT YOU HAVE THIS PROBLEM! 

Do the analysis over again very soon to see if you can notice the differences between you and your partner. MOST of the time, people find that they CAN notice these differences, they just don’t WANT to do all of the hard thinking that is required (not just for this analysis, but in the relationship itself).

If the scores come out quite differently than the first time, you’ve learned a very valuable lesson we all have to learn at some point in our lives. You’ve learned that your relationships can only be understood if you are willing to think about the other person’s wants and needs!

If the scores are still so close that you are sent to this page again, ask your partner to do the analysis and compare scores.  

If your partner’s scores AGREE with yours, you are just one of the very few couples who are almost identical in a lot of ways! (Forget all this stuff about you having some big problem!)

If your partner’s scores DISAGREE significantly with yours and you don’t come back to this page:

1) Read the article on “Boundaries.”
2) Consider going to therapy (not for your relationship, but for you). I’d especially suggest therapy if you also have intense feelings of sadness related to loneliness, or if you sometimes fear that you might “lose yourself” if you get “too close.”