Q: Oh boy. I married one. I was swept off my feet for a year. Got married. Yes, he is very cute and charming. He romanced me for a year. I believed everything he told me (for a little while) then started to get suspicious. By then it was too late. I was already married.

Two years into our marriage I found out he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant, has a 9 month old son and loves her. He also has a woman in France, another in Canada, and three here in the U.S. (that I know of now). I kicked him out but now he is using that excuse as a chick magnet for other women to feel sorry for him. I thought by marrying him, I would “have him” but I was foolish.

Women be aware. Yes they will romance you, tell you everything you want to hear, lie to you blatantly. Don’t let the looks fool you or the sex for that matter.

A: You don’t seem to need my help now, but I sure wish we could have talked a few years ago.

I believe that whenever we are overly impressed by someone’s outward beauty and their performances we are begging for nasty surprises. You’ve sure had a bunch of them.

But for the people who haven’t learned what you have learned, here’s what I think they need to know:

1) Make your decisions about your partner and your closest friends based on how they treat you. Period.

2) If they also happen to say all the right things, fine – if they keep showing you that when they give their word it always matters.

3) If they also happen to look really good, that’s a minimally valuable and nice bonus.

4) Never even hope to “have” someone. You’ll never “have” anyone but yourself.

5) Look for people who want to share their time and energy with you and who would enjoy achieving goals together. Don’t settle for anyone who mainly wants you to see how pretty they are and all the wonders they can perform.

6) Know that only real people matter, and that real people have flaws. There are lots of two-dimensional magazines you use when you just want to dream.

Life has taught you well.

I bet you’ll find a good one next time!

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