Worry is persistent, unnecessary fear
and it is the second most common reason people come to therapy.
Since all fear comes from thinking about the future,
let’s see what we already know about your future.
THINGS YOU KNOW FOR SURE ABOUT YOUR FUTURE
Your Future Will Not Be What You Fear:
When you get there, the future won’t consist of the bad things you imagine.
It also won’t consist of the good things you dream.
Fear and hope are just ideas running around in your head.
Your future won’t be an idea.
It will be “reality mix” of the good, the bad, and the inconsequential – just like today.
You Will Be There:
You can be certain that you will be there to deal with whatever comes along.
All of your strengths – your intelligence, personality, social skill, etc. –
will be there when you need them.
Your Plans Won’t Matter Much:
Any plan you come up with today will mean nothing when the future arrives.
You will decide then, in the future, what to do.
Your Brain Will Be There:
There’s no advantage to thinking about it now,
since you will be thinking about it then.
You Will Be Smarter:
You are always getting smarter.
What you do in the future will be based on what you know then,
not on what you know now.
FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN
When worriers hear all this, they say:
“So you admit we never know what’s coming!
That’s what I worry about – the unknown!”
Right!
And it’s better to face that it is unknown
than to waste your time, energy, and emotional pain
trying to predict the unpredictable.
When you imagine bad things about the future
all you get is more pain in your day today.
WHAT ABOUT CURRENT FEARS?
There’s no need for anxiety when it comes to concrete reality.
You know how much you spent and what the bills will look like when they come.
If your vehicle has bad brakes, you know it’s likely that you’ll have an accident.
If you live with a violent person, you know they will be violent again.
This isn’t worry. It’s dread.
You are dreading the known consequences of your choices.
If these are the kinds of things you think about, you don’t need to worry.
You need to learn how to protect yourself better, and how to learn from your mistakes.
DOESN’T EVERYBODY WORRY?
No, but it sure looks that way if you are a worrier yourself!
People who worry all the time pick friends who are worriers.
They don’t get along well with anyone else.
When they meet people who don’t worry, they say things like:
“What’s wrong with him? Is he just oblivious?”
“She thinks she’s so above it all. She’ll find out some day.”
LOVE AND WORRY
No matter what you may have heard,
it is not true that if you love someone you have to worry about them.
Worry doesn’t prove love.
Some parents love their kids.
Some worry a little, some worry a lot, and many don’t worry at all.
Some parents don’t love their kids.
Some worry a little, some worry a lot, and many don’t worry at all.
If you connect worry and love,
you might not be able to stop worrying
until you face the truth
about who you love and who really loves you.
WHAT ARE WE AFRAID OF?
We aren’t afraid of the future.
We are afraid of how we will handle it when it gets here.
It’s not the future we distrust.
It’s ourselves.
Learn to trust yourself.
