I Am Often Afraid or Anxious
Natural Scare
WHAT SCARE IS Scare is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel scare when our very existence is threatened (or we think it is). It is good for us because it immediately mobilizes all our energy to deal with the threat. HOW IT WORKS Whenever we experience a threat, all...
Perfectionism
BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Problems With Scare
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL SCARE Natural scare only occurs when we are face to face with a real threat to our existence (a high speed auto coming toward us, threats with a weapon, etc.). Almost No Problems At All: Natural fear causes almost no psychological problems at all...
Quitting Addictions
MY KNOWLEDGE AND INTEREST I’m not an expert on addictions but I do know a lot about how people change. And overcoming addiction is one of the biggest changes anyone can make. So here are the beliefs and methods I find most helpful for people who are licking...
The Three Stages Of Relationships
THREE STYLES OF RELATIONSHIPS People generally tend to relate to each other in one of three ways: Dependently, Independently, or Interdependently. People in dependent relationships spend much of their time fighting about who has to take care of whom. People in...
Were You Loved As A Child?
Many people scoff whenever this topic comes up. “What difference does it make now?” they ask. “There are some people who like me now, and maybe some of them even love me.” “So what, if I wasn’t loved as a child!?” That’s...
What Terror Does To Us
I am writing this a few weeks after an attack on the United States by terrorists. I could have written this about many other terrors adults sometimes face, such as living without adequate food and water, living with chronic physical abuse, living with someone who is...
What To Tell A Therapist
If you’ve never been in therapy you might wonder what people talk about week after week in those oh-so-private little offices. That’s what I’m going to tell you. If you are in therapy now this topic can help you to decide what to talk about if you...
Who Can You Trust?
ABOUT “CONS” In the general population about one out of ten people are completely untrustable. They are called “cons” and they live by these “rules”: 1) Only fools tell the truth. 2) If you can get by with it, it’s OK. 3) Joy...
Who Is The Real You?
It’s the classic question of all time: “Who Am I?” Am I the conscious me… the guy who works and plays and thinks and is aware of himself? Am I the subconscious me… the person with deep, hidden desires I don’t even know about? Am I the spiritual me… driven by spiritual...
Why Do We Work So Hard?
“I couldn’t find a moment’s rest.” “The boss is a slave driver!” “The kids just kept demanding more and more of me.” We hear complaints like these every day – from friends, family members, everyone. When we agree...