I Often Feel Futile or Hopeless
About Change
DO PEOPLE REALLY CHANGE? Yes! Change is constant in all our lives. THREE AREAS OF CHANGE When we want to change we need to focus on three things: our values, our thinking, and our feelings. Change automatically occurs in all three areas every day, but some changes are...
An Inspiration From War
On September 11, 2001 the World Trade Center in New York was completely destroyed, and the Pentagon, the center of American military power, was greatly damaged as well. About three thousand people died. All U.S. citizens, and citizens of all other countries, were in...
Angels, Infants, and Hope
MY PROBLEM WITH ANGELS Whenever someone tells me that some force intervened in their life to change things for the better I think I understand completely. I remember times in my own life, and many times in other people’s lives, when a sudden change seemed to...
Are You Considering Therapy?
DO YOU NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP? Probably not! Since you are competent enough to read and understand this, the question isn’t whether you need therapy but whether you want it. And whether you want it enough. HOW CAN I TELL IF I WANT THERAPY ENOUGH? You can decide...
Basics #1: Your Needs and Wants
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. INTRODUCTION This topic explains what your feelings are, how to use them to help yourself, and how to overcome the ones that get in your way. This...
Basics #2: Your Natural Feelings
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. THE NATURAL, REAL FEELINGS Feelings that start in our senses are natural responses to the real world. When we notice real anger, or sadness, or scare,...
Basics #3: Unnatural Feelings
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. ABOUT GUILT Since guilt is not a natural, necessary emotion, it blocks and wastes our energy. GUILT IS A COVER-UP FOR ANGER WHICH LEAVES US FEELING SAD....
Bigotry
“Some things are white and right. Some things are black and wrong. There is nothing in between.” It amazes me that so many of us actually try to live our complex adult lives by such ridiculous dictums. A MILLION KINDS OF BIGOTRY Racism is only one form of...
Boundaries
WHAT THEY ARE The concept of “boundaries” relates to our sense of self. At birth and for a long while after, a baby has no real sense of who they are. When we see a baby in their mother’s arms, we see two people – the child and the mother. But...
Clients and Success In Therapy
Therapy is essentially a healthy relationship. Teaching occurs. Emotions are expressed. Ideas are exchanged and examined. But none of these is primary. What is primary is the relationship between the client and the therapist. The healthier the relationship, the better...
Cooperation: How?
“Cooperation #1: Why?” was about why we cooperate and how to decide whether to cooperate or compete. This topic is about how to actually do the cooperating. THE CONVERSATION We could come up with some nonverbal examples of good cooperation but most of the...
Cooperation: Why?
People who want to control us say, “All I want is for you to cooperate.” What they really mean is, “Go along with me or I’ll accuse you of not being cooperative.” Cooperation isn’t about giving up what you want. It isn’t about...
Couples: Passive and Controlling Partners
PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER? Passive people usually find controlling partners. Controlling people usually find passive partners. They are “perfect” for each other. In apparently opposite ways, each person aims at controlling the other. Passive people are...
Depression: The Problem
WHAT MAKES US DEPRESSED? We get angry about twenty times a day. If we believe our anger is bad or that it’s scary to be angry, we keep it inside. The unexpressed anger builds up. It takes so much energy to keep it bottled up that we get tired from all that...
Depression: What To Do About It
BE ANGRY OR BE DEPRESSED Depressed people are angry people who don’t admit it to themselves. They tend to say nothing when they should be saying: “Get out of my way!” Anger is a natural emotion which occurs whenever something is in our way. We...
Discipline
FEARFULNESS The most troubled adults I know are those who were frightened as children by extreme physical abuse or psychological terror. Their parents called it “discipline.” The more horrendous the beatings and the more frightening the threats, the longer...
Do You Think You Can’t?
You are incapable of something if you are physically unable to do it. You are capable of something if you are physically able to do it. If you were hired to do something your mind just can’t comprehend, you are incapable of those duties. If you want to walk up a...
False Memories And Responsibility
There has been a lot in the media about “false memory syndrome.” There’s even an organization devoted to helping people who have been falsely accused of sexual abuse. As a therapist, I have some very strong views about this, of course. This article...
Fantasy and Reality – Part 1
Part One is a bit theoretical. Part Two will be more practical. NEVER THE TWAIN…. Popular culture says we are “crazy” if we can’t tell fantasy from reality. If that’s the definition, then we are all crazy. (No news there!) The key to...
Fantasy and Reality – Part 2
Part One was mostly theoretical. Part Two is more practical. SUMMARY OF PART ONE Fantasy is all mental activity. Reality is what we know through our senses. Fantasy should only be used for entertainment and for brief problem solving. HOW IT HELPS TO TELL THE...
