I Want to Learn About Addiction
About Change
DO PEOPLE REALLY CHANGE? Yes! Change is constant in all our lives. THREE AREAS OF CHANGE When we want to change we need to focus on three things: our values, our thinking, and our feelings. Change automatically occurs in all three areas every day, but some changes are...
About Shame
SHAME AND GUILT Shame is not the same as guilt. When we feel guilt, it’s about something we did. When we feel shame, it’s about who we are. When we feel guilty we need to learn that it’s OK to make mistakes. When we feel shame we need to learn that...
Basics #1: Your Needs and Wants
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. INTRODUCTION This topic explains what your feelings are, how to use them to help yourself, and how to overcome the ones that get in your way. This...
Basics #2: Your Natural Feelings
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. THE NATURAL, REAL FEELINGS Feelings that start in our senses are natural responses to the real world. When we notice real anger, or sadness, or scare,...
Basics #3: Unnatural Feelings
What every eight-year-old should know and most adults have never been taught about the emotions that run our lives. ABOUT GUILT Since guilt is not a natural, necessary emotion, it blocks and wastes our energy. GUILT IS A COVER-UP FOR ANGER WHICH LEAVES US FEELING SAD....
Changing Your Personality
People who have never experienced therapy often ask: “Do people really change?” People who have experienced good therapy know the answer is a resounding “Yes!” [If you wonder about this yourself, please read: “About Change.”] But there’s a related question that even...
Clear Communication: #1
COMMUNICATION TRICKS I’m going to be telling you about some “tricks” you can use to communicate clearly with anyone. I call them tricks because most people don’t know about them and because they often work so powerfully that they seem to give...
Clear Communication: #2
This is the second in a series of topics on communication. Refer back to topic #1 if you need to. SUMMARY OF THE FIRST TOPIC Have a purpose, and remember it. Remember the topic, notice when it starts to change, and go back to it. Be ready to cooperate – so both...
Cooperation: How?
“Cooperation #1: Why?” was about why we cooperate and how to decide whether to cooperate or compete. This topic is about how to actually do the cooperating. THE CONVERSATION We could come up with some nonverbal examples of good cooperation but most of the...
Cooperation: Why?
People who want to control us say, “All I want is for you to cooperate.” What they really mean is, “Go along with me or I’ll accuse you of not being cooperative.” Cooperation isn’t about giving up what you want. It isn’t about...
Depression In The Culture
CHRONIC MILD DEPRESSION Professionals refer to ongoing, mild depression as “dysthymic disorder.” People who do not know the jargon tend to say much clearer things like: “I just feel blah all the time.” “I’m sick and tired of how my...
Depression: The Problem
WHAT MAKES US DEPRESSED? We get angry about twenty times a day. If we believe our anger is bad or that it’s scary to be angry, we keep it inside. The unexpressed anger builds up. It takes so much energy to keep it bottled up that we get tired from all that...
Depression: What To Do About It
BE ANGRY OR BE DEPRESSED Depressed people are angry people who don’t admit it to themselves. They tend to say nothing when they should be saying: “Get out of my way!” Anger is a natural emotion which occurs whenever something is in our way. We...
Discipline
FEARFULNESS The most troubled adults I know are those who were frightened as children by extreme physical abuse or psychological terror. Their parents called it “discipline.” The more horrendous the beatings and the more frightening the threats, the longer...
Guidelines For Emotional Health
I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...
Hate
Are you hated? Who do you hate? WHY ARE YOU HATED? Print this topic. Then circle the words that describe you. Sex: Male Female Other Race: Black Brown Yellow White Red Mixed Schooling: Primary Secondary B.A. M.A. Ph.D Employment: None Employee Employer Professional...
How Are You Spending Your Life?
TIME AND ENERGY Life is really no more than a certain limited amount of time and energy. We make choices – every second – about how we spend that time and energy. To have a better life we must make better choices about how we use our time and energy. WHERE...
Living With Alcoholics
THE PROBLEM Alcoholism is still the scourge of this country. Earlier identification of the problem and better treatment programs have improved things, but the number of lives damaged and all of other costs involved remain immense. Much of what will be said here...
Motivation
BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...
Powerful Ideas #1
A good therapist provides many “permissions.” A permission is a statement which helps you feel “allowed” to do well. The statements below are some of the many permissions I’ve sent your way in these topics. If you are looking for some...
