Q: I am devastated with my girlfriend breaking up with me. We were so happy and now she doesn’t want to try anymore. Ever since she moved out of her house and in with some girlfriends she’s changed. I feel as if she is only trying because she feels pity for me. After two years I don’t know if I can be without her.

A: What do you mean “I don’t know if I can be without her”? What will you do if you do lose her?

If you feel so desperate that you really believe you won’t make it without her, that’s a far bigger problem than whether this particular relationship works out or doesn’t. (And if that level of desperation was evident in the relationship, that might have felt like a real burden to her…)

If you really think you can’t make it without her, please see a therapist. In our culture therapists are the people who are assigned to help when we feel desperate. Friends and lovers can lend support, but therapists can actually help you to change so you don’t feel so horrible at such times.

If you didn’t mean to sound so desperate, I’m afraid all I can tell you is that we all feel devastate when we lose a love, and yet somehow we all make it through and end up with another – usually far better – relationship.

Of course, you might be misreading her signs and imagining more rejection than there actually is. Her move and her need to form new relationships with the people she’s living with is a huge adjustment for her. She’s bound to be somewhat preoccupied with all that… If you think you might be wrong about her being far less interested, just give the relationship more time and give her more space while you do.

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