Q: How do you deal in relationship, when your fiancé cheats in front of you in a party but cries out to you, that she love’s you very much .I am hurt with anger. Her excuse was alcohol. By the way this has happened twice. Confused.

A: So much to consider here.

First of all, you are angry. Period. Anyone would be. But remember that anger is a Feeling in your body (like “happy” or even “hungry”). It’s a physical sensation that you can do many different things with. You don’t have to use your anger in any specific way, although of course you have to keep yourself and others safe no matter how you use it.

Secondly, this is a pattern of hers, an alcohol pattern. No matter how much she loves you, and no matter how much you love her, this problem of overusing alcohol, and then doing things, and then saying “the devil (alcohol) made me do it)” is a BIG one and it must be resolved before she can have a good relationship with anyone.

Again, you have every right to feel angry. I also want you to know that saying “she should just stop it” about the alcohol or the cheating is just too simplistic. Believe it or not, when she did those things it was somehow the best thing she could think of to do at that moment! So that shows that she has some really big problems… problems that I’m not sure I’d want to wait very long hoping she’d overcome.

I also wonder about your use of the word “cheats”…. If she actually had sex with these people, that’s one thing. But I wonder if she might have flirted or kissed or done something far less than having sex, and you interpreted this as “cheating” – and maybe she didn’t see it so black and white…. Every couple works out their own understanding of what is cheating and what isn’t, and neither person gets to dictate their own definition of these things. (An extremely insecure person might insist that even leaving the house and going to the grocery where there is an attractive person is “cheating”… and some people say they are happy to have an “open relationship” in which both parties are free to have sex with others… It is simply something you’ll need to work out with her or with anyone you date.)

I noticed the word “fiancé'” too… and I’m sorry for you that you seem to have discovered these problems with your woman rather late in your dating relationship. But you have discovered them now, so make your decisions accordingly. You’d be very sad to lose her, and you’d also be very sad for a longer time if you kept her and she really did keep cheating on you.

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons