Q: Why do guys think that just because you dance with them, they have a right to your phone number? I like to go to clubs by myself, dance it all out, hang with my friends, and go home alone. Seems like no matter how many years now I do this, there are always plenty of these guys.

Some of my friends say it’s because I act it up, looking very confident and sexy like. Well, I don’t dress for anybody but myself. I like to look and act sexy, it is me. That doesn’t mean I want uninvited attention. Worse, if you see them again next time, they’re all mad-like, like you did something wrong cause you didn’t worship them.

A: What’s wrong with someone wanting you? For that matter, what’s wrong with someone wanting you sexually?

You are flirting and retreating, over and over. I wonder if the men you are referring to are “all mad-like” when they meet you again, or if they just feel rejected and don’t know how to respond after the rejection.

There’s a psychological game analyzed by Dr. Eric Berne long ago called “What kind of a girl do you think I am?” It’s about someone, usually a woman but not always, who flirts very openly but when the other person wants more she slaps their face and says: “What kind of a girl do you think I am?” The woman then walks away with her view of the world confirmed, saying “See, nobody likes me for who I am. Everyone only wants to use me.”

People who play this game usually had bad experiences, even in childhood, in which they were used but otherwise ignored. If you had experiences of this kind, please realize that the people who treated you this way are totally responsible for what they did. But all the rest of us are not.

And if you need help overcoming such bad experiences, get it! It will improve your life in every way, especially in terms of intimate relationships.

You want closeness and love and sex just as much as anyone else. Don’t let past experiences rob you of these.

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons