Q: I was very impressed with your response to a grieving woman. I want to know what you would advice a person to do about going into another relationship after her recent lost loved one. If the grieving process is over… and the person is ready to begin a new but is so guarded from her recent occurrence?

A: I don’t mean to dodge your question, but I’d need to know so much more about the phrase “but is so guarded”…

That phrase could mean relatively slight emotions, very intense emotions, and everything in between. It could mean sadness, anger, scare, shame, guilt… even joy and excitement that she somehow feels uncomfortable about… And the big question would be “when does she feel this guardedness”… when she just thinks about maybe starting anew, when she’s attracted to someone, when they are together, when they are making love… etc.?

Most importantly: Did she really finish grieving? Does she acknowledge that it’s a permanent loss, except for the memories. (She doesn’t need to finish grieving to have short-term relationships and encounters, but she does need to finish grieving before she is ready for a new commitment.)

Of course the overall answer is that she should forge ahead into a new life, and a new love. But what she’s going through right now matters so much.

Hope this helps!

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