Q: I am a 42-year old woman and lately I have been concerned that I am attracted to a co-worker. Normally I would just ask the person out but as this man is much younger than me (about 30), I highly doubt he is interested beyond friendship. Is there a way to determine if someone is interested in you by their behavior ( like the type or amount of eye contact, or subjects brought up for discussion, etc.)?

A: Yes there is.

Here’s what you can do:

Make statements that are “I – You – Now” statements when you are talking to him…. You don’t have to actually use these three words, of course, but they each need to be strongly implied in what you say.

Some Examples:

“I see you wore your red shirt today.” (… while looking at it…).

“You look like you are having a really easy/hard day today.” (… motioning to the paperwork or whatever…)

“Whoa! You look great today!” (This is stronger, of course…)

Such statements are “invitations to intimacy” – and I’m not referring to sexual/romantic intimacy here, just “emotional closeness” intimacy.

If he responds with an “I – You – Now” statement of his own, he wants to get closer to you at the moment, so keep talking.

If he doesn’t, he doesn’t…. (although it could just be his mood of the moment. So you can decide whether to do it a few times.)

Thanks for a great question!

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