Q: I am a little confused with the dating scene: How does one approach women (in a club) and ask her out?

A: I usually hate to talk about “techniques” or “lines” to use at such times, but I do have an idea for you that works very well.

When you meet someone you might be interested in, make what are called “I… you… now” statements, and notice how they react when you do it.

An “I… you… now” statement uses those three words, or implies them very clearly. It states a position on your part (“I”), says you are noticing the other person (“you”), and it refers to something in the very moment you are making the statement (“now”).

Some examples which use all three words (or imply them) are:
“I like the way you tilt your head and look up at me.”
“Nice shoes! Really bright!”
“You don’t look happy right now.”

Then notice how the other person responds. When people aren’t really available emotionally they will back away, or respond in a way that feigns confusion. This is what usually happens. They are sending a signal that you are inviting more closeness than they want or can handle at the moment. When this happens, move on. Some examples:
“My neck hurts.”
“I just grabbed a pair of shoes out of the closet.”
“Well, I am happy!”

But when the other person responds with an “I… you… now” statement of their own, that’s a good sign that they are available and they appreciate the invitation to be closer. For instance:
“Funny you noticed that. I have a kink in my neck tonight.”
“Glad you like the shoes. I do too.”
“Yeah, I’m feeling low today and I hoped you wouldn’t notice.”
When you get this kind of a response, you know the person is willing to share themselves with you.

What you and the other person say or do next is also important. If you stay real, and avoid playing any psychological games and you’ll be taking your best shot.

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