Q: I am married and have children with my partner. We have a wonderful relationship – no complaints about that. The problem is his ex-girlfriend. We love to go dancing and when we happen to see her at clubs she is always trying to start problems. She has also tried to get between us and our mutual friends. I feel like I’m choking. I don’t understand why she feels the need to create problematic situations when there is no need, and on top of it all – this makes me feel like I’m 12 years old.

What should I do, if anything ?

A: By saying “if anything” you seem to be saying that maybe it’s best if you do nothing at all about it. I sort of agree.

You’ve got him. She doesn’t. And she doesn’t have to like it.

It would be good if she treated you and your husband better, but she is who she is, he chose you, and the party is essentially over for her. I think that the more she can tell that her behavior bothers you, the more she reinforcement she gets for it.

I’m sure you’ve told your husband how you feel about it. Let him handle it. And remember: You’ve got him. You won. She’s just trying to score some imaginary “points.” And if you and he don’t acknowledge that there are such “points,” then there aren’t!

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