Ask yourself if you believe any of these three statements:
“The world is a scary place.”
“I am only alive to please other people.”
“I cannot change.”
If you find that you do believe any of these statements,
ask yourself HOW STRONGLY you believe each of them.
If you believe all three statements totally,
the theory I believe in says that you are extremely disturbed!
If you only believe these things “sometimes”
or you only believe them “slightly,”
you are pretty normal –
but you’ll do a lot better in life if you never believe them.
These three beliefs are deemed “most crazy” because
they create hurtfulness, helplessness, and hopelessness.
Believing that the world is a scary place
makes you live in fear and can even make you dangerous.
Believing that you are only alive to please others
makes you completely dependent on them.
Believing that you cannot change
makes the rest of your life meaningless.
It is true that most of the people we know well share our beliefs about these things.
But that’s because these beliefs are so important to us
that we actually “screen” people into and out of our lives
based on whether they agree with us about these things.
Many scary things happen in the world.
Many places are scary, particularly at certain times of the day or night.
But our world either is not or does not need to be scary!
Our world consists of the actual places we go during our average day or week.
It includes the actual places we live, work, shop, and travel to and from each day.
If our world really is scary, we need to protect ourselves better!
If our world really is not scary, we need to stop believing that it is!
OUR BIOLOGY, OUR NATURE, DEMANDS THAT WE KEEP OURSELVES SAFE!
Being “pleasing” to other people is a good thing. No doubt about it.
But the most important person we have to please is ourselves –
and we do not have to please anyone else.
Thinking that we have to please others is a way of setting up
a terrible degree of dependence
between ourselves and other people.
This dependence is oppressive to us – and to the people we depend on so much.
OUR BIOLOGY, OUR NATURE, DEMANDS THAT WE PURSUE OUR OWN JOY FIRST.
We are changing all the time.
When we are emotionally healthy we direct our change toward the goals we select.
When we are emotionally unhealthy we change almost haphazardly.
Even undirected and “haphazard” change is mostly good for us.
But whether change is good or bad,
it is always happening in every area of our lives.
OUR BIOLOGY, OUR NATURE, DEMANDS THAT WE CHANGE CONSTANTLY.
Whenever something happens in your life that tends to make you believe one of these things:
- Catch yourself in the “crazy” thought!
- Decide not to explain what just happened by using this simplistic, childlike belief.
- Look for some other explanation for what just happened. (It will always be much more complex and therefore much more accurate – usually something only an adult could understand well.)
- Test your new explanation in some way.
- Give yourself a lot of credit for being willing to learn and improve!
YOUR WORLD IS SAFE!
(Or you need to make it safe.)
YOU MUST PLEASE YOURSELF FIRST!
(And you can allow yourself to do this.)
YOU CAN CHANGE!
(You are ALWAYS changing.)
You are changing right now!