Q: I really enjoy my therapist, she has helped me so much, but I wonder is this healthy? Being excited about seeing her? Thinking about her in between sessions? Worried about becoming too dependent on her? Sad about the day when we don’t see each other anymore? It’s almost like God playing a cruel trick on me.
A: What’s the problem? You like your therapist, she is helping you, and you look forward to seeing her. That’s all good stuff, isn’t it? A certain amount of dependency is part of treatment, and you are supposed to think about her between meetings.
Do you think you don’t deserve good people in your life? Do you fear that you will suddenly lose your therapist, rather than only leave her when you choose to end the therapy?
Just focus on what you want while you are with your therapist, rather than on what she wants, OK? If you are “too” dependent, you might find yourself trying to please your therapist rather than telling the full truth for fear of disappointing her.
Your last line concerns me, however. I don’t understand about the “cruel trick” from God. My guess is that you are fearing abandonment, and that instead of just being glad you have a good person in your life for a while, you are focused on when it will end. Remember that all relationships end, and the end doesn’t matter very much at all compared to what happens During the relationship.
Keep getting what you enjoy from your therapist and talk all this over with her in a very direct way. (It might be good to actually show her this letter and then discuss it together.)