Q: My boyfriend and I were playfully wrestling on the floor; he got rough, pinned me down, & pressured me for sex. I said no but he held me down until finally I submitted. My first time and it was horrible. But was it rape? I didn’t stop him, so I deserved it. I am 17 years old.

A: I don’t usually respond to letters from people under 18, but I do want to answer yours by saying, yes, this does appear to be rape. “He held me down until I finally submitted” shows he used force to make the sex happen. And when you say you “didn’t stop him” you are saying that although you tried to stop him, it just didn’t work. All you can do is try! You did! You are Not responsible for His actions!

Talk this over with your parents if you can, or with a school counselor, or with a therapist, or with the adult you trust the most whoever that may be. You do need to talk to someone about this.

If you don’t know who to talk to, you can definitely call the nearest Family Service Agency and ask for an appointment and tell them what you’ve told me. They are well-trained to handle things like this.

This is a Very Serious matter. Please don’t try to deal with it all alone!

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