I May Be Depressed
Guidelines For Emotional Health
I found it a very interesting exercise to try to come up with a list of the most important suggestions I could possibly make and have them fit nicely into this relatively small space. The list is arranged in order of importance. If you don’t follow all of these...
Handling Criticism
Criticism can be good for us, if it is wanted. But handling unwanted criticism is a burden in all our lives. A PERSONAL STORY I want to tell you about the least successful therapy I’ve ever done. A few years ago a woman was referred to me by her doctor. When I...
Hate
Are you hated? Who do you hate? WHY ARE YOU HATED? Print this topic. Then circle the words that describe you. Sex: Male Female Other Race: Black Brown Yellow White Red Mixed Schooling: Primary Secondary B.A. M.A. Ph.D Employment: None Employee Employer Professional...
How To Play
There are only three possible ways to spend our time and energy. We can only work, rest, or play. We work to produce things of value. We rest to recharge our bodies and minds. We play just for the fun of it. Ideally, we should spend about one-third of our awake time...
Life’s “Craziest” Beliefs
A QUICK MENTAL HEALTH TEST Ask yourself if you believe any of these three statements: “The world is a scary place.” “I am only alive to please other people.” “I cannot change.” If you find that you do believe any of these...
Living With Alcoholics
THE PROBLEM Alcoholism is still the scourge of this country. Earlier identification of the problem and better treatment programs have improved things, but the number of lives damaged and all of other costs involved remain immense. Much of what will be said here...
Loneliness
We are all lonely sometimes. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to arrange our lives to be sure it doesn’t happen regularly. Everyone needs regular doses of attention every day. DAILY LONELINESS Daily loneliness comes from ignoring our natural...
Making Decisions
We are all indecisive sometimes. It happens whenever there are two things we want almost equally but we can only have one of them. This topic will help you decide with confidence when you think you can’t decide. We’ll look at seven ways we get confused....
Motivation
BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...
Natural Anger
WHAT ANGER IS Anger is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel anger whenever we are BLOCKED from getting something we want. It is good for us because it protects us from threat, it reminds us that we have power to overcome obstacles, and it gives us a measure of how...
Natural Sadness
WHAT SADNESS IS Sadness is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel sadness whenever we LOSE something that we previously enjoyed. It is good for us both because it offers RELIEF from the pain of the loss and because it gives us a MEASURE of the importance of what...
Natural Scare
WHAT SCARE IS Scare is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel scare when our very existence is threatened (or we think it is). It is good for us because it immediately mobilizes all our energy to deal with the threat. HOW IT WORKS Whenever we experience a threat, all...
Perfectionism
BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Problems With Anger
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL ANGER If we work and live around other people, we get angry about twenty times every day. And yet many people would swear they seldom get angry at all. We tend to be so afraid of our anger that, as a culture, we pretend it isn’t there....
Problems With Sadness
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL SADNESS Unfortunately, when we are confronted with a huge amount of sadness we are likely to fear that it will last forever. No matter how deeply you believe that it will last forever, it won’t! You need to trust that this is true. Ideally,...
Problems With Scare
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL SCARE Natural scare only occurs when we are face to face with a real threat to our existence (a high speed auto coming toward us, threats with a weapon, etc.). Almost No Problems At All: Natural fear causes almost no psychological problems at all...
Quitting Addictions
MY KNOWLEDGE AND INTEREST I’m not an expert on addictions but I do know a lot about how people change. And overcoming addiction is one of the biggest changes anyone can make. So here are the beliefs and methods I find most helpful for people who are licking...
Self Love
Almost all emotional problems indicate a lack of self-love. (Only a few very rare problems which are caused entirely by physical disease can be excluded.) DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? I’m going to be giving you a lot of examples of how self-love works. Remember as you...
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...