I Want to Improve and I Am Willing to Work on Myself for a While
How To Talk About Feelings
How can we talk about our feelings? How much is too much? How much is not enough? THREE DECISIONS Whenever we talk to anyone, we make three quick decisions. Whether To SAY What We Feel. Whether To EXPRESS The Feelings. Whether To WORK AT PROBLEM SOLVING. We usually...
Life’s “Craziest” Beliefs
A QUICK MENTAL HEALTH TEST Ask yourself if you believe any of these three statements: “The world is a scary place.” “I am only alive to please other people.” “I cannot change.” If you find that you do believe any of these...
Loneliness
We are all lonely sometimes. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to arrange our lives to be sure it doesn’t happen regularly. Everyone needs regular doses of attention every day. DAILY LONELINESS Daily loneliness comes from ignoring our natural...
Making Decisions
We are all indecisive sometimes. It happens whenever there are two things we want almost equally but we can only have one of them. This topic will help you decide with confidence when you think you can’t decide. We’ll look at seven ways we get confused....
Mistakes Every Good Parent Makes
“DRIVERS” “Drivers” are phrases most parents say to their children very, very often – at least once most days. They can be stated kindly or callously, quietly or loudly, but the message is always the same: “If you want to please me...
Motivation
BASIC ASSUMPTION Every physically healthy person has plenty of energy, so every physically healthy person has plenty of motivation. Nobody is lazy. We are all just motivated toward different things. Calling someone lazy is like calling them any other nasty name. It...
My Wishes For Real People
I get irritated about media hype, especially around the holidays. You’d think we are all perfectly happy people, from white-bread, socially-appropriate, “intact” families, with perfectly happy kids who are continually thrilled-to-pieces about how...
Natural Anger
WHAT ANGER IS Anger is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel anger whenever we are BLOCKED from getting something we want. It is good for us because it protects us from threat, it reminds us that we have power to overcome obstacles, and it gives us a measure of how...
Perfectionism
BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Powerful Ideas #1
A good therapist provides many “permissions.” A permission is a statement which helps you feel “allowed” to do well. The statements below are some of the many permissions I’ve sent your way in these topics. If you are looking for some...
Problems With Anger
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL ANGER If we work and live around other people, we get angry about twenty times every day. And yet many people would swear they seldom get angry at all. We tend to be so afraid of our anger that, as a culture, we pretend it isn’t there....
Relationships
SEX OR CUDDLING? Which is most important, sex or cuddling? If that’s the choice, it’s cuddling. But really it is touch – in all its forms – that makes or breaks relationships. WANTING A NEW PARTNER In order to find a new partner you must first...
Self Help Quiz #2
These questions illustrate major points I’ve emphasized in various topics. Some of these major points were surprising when you first read them, so, if you’ve forgotten what the topics said, you may get surprised again when check your answers! Sometimes...
Self Love
Almost all emotional problems indicate a lack of self-love. (Only a few very rare problems which are caused entirely by physical disease can be excluded.) DO YOU LOVE YOURSELF? I’m going to be giving you a lot of examples of how self-love works. Remember as you...
Self-help Quiz #1
This quiz is based on ideas emphasized in other topics. Some questions are harder than they appear at first glance. Sometimes more than one answer is technically correct, but one answer is always best. The best answers are listed at the bottom. Click on the topic the...
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...
Should We Blame Our Parents?
The answer to this question can be stated quickly and clearly, but understanding the answer can take a lifetime. THE QUICK ANSWER: Don’t blame your parents unless you have to. But do hold them, and yourself, RESPONSIBLE. AN EXAMPLE: “THE STUPID...
Stop Making Comparisons!
A HOT TIP Want a hot tip about how to quickly and permanently improve how you feel? STOP MAKING COMPARISONS! All kinds of comparisons! TWO KINDS OF COMPARISONS Remember the last time you heard someone make a comparison about you. They might have said: “You look...
Subconscious Life Scripts
WHAT IS A ‘SCRIPT’? A script is a subconscious life plan made by a small child. Once this plan is made, it influences the whole course of that person’s life. I am going to be telling you about the usual way scripts work. But, since scripts are so...