I Often Feel Ashamed
How To Have A Lousy Sex Life!
THE THERAPIST’S WARPED VIEW Therapists may not know much more than the average person about how to have a good sex life, but we sure do know a lot about how to have a lousy one! We’ve heard every bad idea in the book. Here, then, are the best bad ideas...
How To Talk About Feelings
How can we talk about our feelings? How much is too much? How much is not enough? THREE DECISIONS Whenever we talk to anyone, we make three quick decisions. Whether To SAY What We Feel. Whether To EXPRESS The Feelings. Whether To WORK AT PROBLEM SOLVING. We usually...
Life’s “Craziest” Beliefs
A QUICK MENTAL HEALTH TEST Ask yourself if you believe any of these three statements: “The world is a scary place.” “I am only alive to please other people.” “I cannot change.” If you find that you do believe any of these...
Living With Alcoholics
THE PROBLEM Alcoholism is still the scourge of this country. Earlier identification of the problem and better treatment programs have improved things, but the number of lives damaged and all of other costs involved remain immense. Much of what will be said here...
Loneliness
We are all lonely sometimes. One of the best things we can do for ourselves is to arrange our lives to be sure it doesn’t happen regularly. Everyone needs regular doses of attention every day. DAILY LONELINESS Daily loneliness comes from ignoring our natural...
Making Decisions
We are all indecisive sometimes. It happens whenever there are two things we want almost equally but we can only have one of them. This topic will help you decide with confidence when you think you can’t decide. We’ll look at seven ways we get confused....
Natural Anger
WHAT ANGER IS Anger is a natural emotion or feeling. We feel anger whenever we are BLOCKED from getting something we want. It is good for us because it protects us from threat, it reminds us that we have power to overcome obstacles, and it gives us a measure of how...
Perfectionism
BRAGGING OR COMPLAINING Have you noticed that someone who says they have a problem with perfectionism usually says it with a sheepish smile on their face? Have you also noticed that their smile is a strangely complicated one which includes both pride and shame? The...
Personal Freedom
In the United States we constantly brag about how free we are… “The Land of the Free” and all that. But therapists know that many people, maybe even most people, are enslaved. Some of us are slaves to other people, especially spouses and employers. Others...
Problems With Anger
PROBLEMS WITH NATURAL ANGER If we work and live around other people, we get angry about twenty times every day. And yet many people would swear they seldom get angry at all. We tend to be so afraid of our anger that, as a culture, we pretend it isn’t there....
Quitting Addictions
MY KNOWLEDGE AND INTEREST I’m not an expert on addictions but I do know a lot about how people change. And overcoming addiction is one of the biggest changes anyone can make. So here are the beliefs and methods I find most helpful for people who are licking...
Sexual Abuse In Childhood
ABOUT THIS SERIES OF ARTICLES This is the first of a series of articles on the general topic of childhood sexual abuse. Our focus will be on adults who were sexually abused as children and who did not receive adequate parental or professional care afterwards. This...
Shame: What You Can Do About It
Most of us have problems with shame, to one degree or another. The first article in this series (“About Shame”) helped you to learn if you have a big problem with shame. This second article is for anyone who finds any shame in their life. YOUR OVERALL GOAL...
Subconscious Life Scripts
WHAT IS A ‘SCRIPT’? A script is a subconscious life plan made by a small child. Once this plan is made, it influences the whole course of that person’s life. I am going to be telling you about the usual way scripts work. But, since scripts are so...
Were You Loved As A Child?
Many people scoff whenever this topic comes up. “What difference does it make now?” they ask. “There are some people who like me now, and maybe some of them even love me.” “So what, if I wasn’t loved as a child!?” That’s...
What To Tell A Therapist
If you’ve never been in therapy you might wonder what people talk about week after week in those oh-so-private little offices. That’s what I’m going to tell you. If you are in therapy now this topic can help you to decide what to talk about if you...
Who Is The Real You?
It’s the classic question of all time: “Who Am I?” Am I the conscious me… the guy who works and plays and thinks and is aware of himself? Am I the subconscious me… the person with deep, hidden desires I don’t even know about? Am I the spiritual me… driven by spiritual...
Who’s Healthy?
The best measure of emotional health is: How well do we handle the problems and opportunities we face in our daily lives? If you are extremely neurotic but you’ve found a way to survive a difficult life, you are far healthier than those who avoid such labels...